heart is aching.

11:11. damn it, I missed it today. But just for the record, I still love you. I can't stop.

I'm fine don't worry.

Dying on the inside, smiling on the outside.

Sometimes I feel invulnerable to my emotions,

most of the time, they take control.

Number one is studies.

I found a new motivation to work hard for the coming month.
Maybe if I work hard for O levels, their views of me would change?
We've only got 3-4 more months to O levels. Damn it.

I was typing something really long just now.
Then I realized it was too saddening. So I backspaced.
Goodbye, my love.

Hey girl.

You know nothing about love. Thanks for letting me have a good laugh at you.

Fuck my bangs. Cccccbbbbb. I shall go do something about it LATER ON. (:

Today. (or should I say ytd since its after 12am alr?)
Woke up at 10am > School for cca farewell >  Meet thinesh awhile >  Meet Zhijun opp sch >  Tuition with wanting >  Meet Zhijun @289

Busy day okay. I felt like I went all over Singapore. Damn it, I like to over exaggerate manxzxs. But I'm really damn tired. Thanks a lot huh. Wanted to skip tuition since I didn't bring my worksheet also. But wanting insisted that I go. Look, she's so step good girl. Fuckkkkk. Zhijun, good game. (yknow.......... heh!) Headed home quite early. Bought 2 apple pies from macs and talked on the phone with Zhijun. Damn it, I spend too much time talking to him uh. Should call Zhixiang instead right? Aw well. (: Tuition sucked. We had a fucked test. And I confirm guarantee plus chop that I'm gonna fail. Cause I lost damn a lot of marks on questions that I didn't know how to do. A Math really cmi. Wanting was worse off. (:

AND FUCK IT.

I AM SINGLE.

I AM NOT ATTACHED.

KNNBCCBPCB.

I HAVE BEEN SINGLE SINCE THEN.

AND I AM STILL SINGLE.

STOP ASKING ME.
cause it tears me apart.

damn those hokkien vulgarities.

Cca farewell party tml.

I have to get up at 10, I wonder if I can wake up or not. Damn it, I damn lazy to go but I alr told the people that I'm going. Aw well. After that meet friends and slack awhile then still got tuition. Omggg, I confirm tired until die sia. ): Plus, I got no mood to sleep now. Dammmnnn itttt!! Was on msn with Matthew for awhile. Tried to cheer him up, to no avail. Heh. ):

Gonna go sleep soon!

Private blog.

http://redshakerfries.blogspot.com/

Ask me at my tagboard to invite you, I might, or I might not.

Heh, I don't want stalkers to stalk me uh, ( hor, tingli!(: )

Will still update here ofcause.

I deleted most of the private posts from here and transfered them to my private blog. Yay.

The Back-up Plan, Date Night.

Just watched these two movies online. Damn fabbbbb.

I think The Back-up Plan was better than Date Night though.

I was doing my A Math tuition homework whilst watching the movies. (Y)

A few quick pictures.

This bike hurt my ass. ): I play until kept screaming. Hahahaha.

I think this picture, if you just look at the face, look a bit like zx hor, wanting.

Okay whilst I was waiting at 288's red round table, there was this freaky stalker okay. He stood at the letterbox there and stare at me. Damn scary. I walk where, then he follow sia. ): I pretended to walk back to 289 and before he noticed, I faster go back 288. Heng ah!

Tell him goodbye. And tell him I love him.

I think ambulance and police cars are cool.

Some car accident outside my block. I was like some kaypoh idiot taking pictures.

2 cars in the wrong lane. I guess they slammed onto each other and came flying to the other lane?

Ambulance came. Then soon later police came.

A lot of other kaypohs standing around and watching. Should be family members?

I heard one driver shouting OI to the other one and pointing middle finger. (Y)

this reminds me of Emilia.
I rmb she called me when it happened.
but I didn't pick up, so she called zx.

Prank calls?

I just got prank called. But, they called wrong number. Hahahaha, thats really damn funny okay. They said hello? And I said "uhmm". Then they copied me. I got annoyed so I just didn't say anything. And they kept saying hello? hello? hello? Then the girl said, nvm, we call her house phone. And a guy from the background was like, you got her house phone mey? And she was like, yeah la ofc! And he was like, bastard sia! I hung up. And I waited for the call on my house phone. No call. -.- So I texted her, who're you? And she said, wrong number. -.-

Hahaha, fail prank callers. Still can call wrong number.

Father's day.

I know father's day was yesterday. But I only remembered in the morning when I was trying to fall asleep. As in, people like Mandy and my mum reminded me, but I can't be bothered. Hahaha. I didn't wish my dad also. I think he doesn't even know its father's day. Okay, sorry, I know I'm really bad. I even forgot that it was his birthday on his birthday. Some more, I was out the whole day. I know my dad doesn't read my blog, but ah, what the heck. Happy belated father's day.

My dad is really cute okay. He ask me to off the computer and go to sleep, but he himself at there using his laptop. (Y) And he buys me lunch even though I wake up at 5pm. He left my lunch in the stove, and the noodle's soup all dried up. Awww. When I was crying over zhixiang, he would come and cheer me up and said that no guy is worth crying over. Super ultra sweet ttm. Only sometimes I cannot stand him uh.

Irritated ttm.

Pink dolphin ah, please I'm not your dog. You ask me go there means I'll go there. Omfg. Really piss me off. You expect me to fly until batok just to pass you something. And you claim you need it. Omfg ttm. Fuck you. I swear I will box you. I just woke up, then you ask me fly there. Seriously wtf ttm. Don't treat me like your toy. Its so obvious that you are/ I really damn annoyed by you. -'- Fuck you ttm. Then you keep saying after I pass you, then you need go home alr. Macham avoiding me la. Like wtf. You want avoid and yet you want me pass you also. Like wtf can? Seriously just fuck off. What people told me is so true. You're two faced. And now, I'm seeing the bad side of you. -'-

Proper post once I reach home.

@tumblr.

Incase you don't realize, I updated my tumblr.

Follow me & view!

heartsincargo.tumblr.com

Honey. ♥

click this.

click this.

click this.

click this.

click this.

click this.

click this.

GOOD NEWS.

PEOPLE, LEE WANTING IS BACK IN SINGAPORE.

I AM SO VERY CRAZILY HAPPY NOWWWWWW.

she just texted me! (:

There is no guarantee that this love is easy. ♥

Yesterday's update.

Yesterday was a mess.

1. Woke up at 12.
2. Had lunch, used computer.
3. Met Neo at Thomson Plaza.
4. Had Pepper Lunch. (Y)
5. Went for RCIY.
6. Mass with Kelvin, Neo and Gabriel Chua.
7. Left mass halfway to watch Claudia Teh.
8. Went for dinner with the gang. Didn't eat though.
9. L4D2 with FAT BOY, fatninja, killer boi bastard and -__-'''.
10. The FAT BOY and fatninja went home.
11. Kelvin, Gabriel and me slacked.
12. Quek fetched me home.
13. I drank at home. Boring. -.-

So I was half an hour late to meet Neo. Haven't seen him in ages. We chatted a bit, (:

RCIY was really fun. Apparently the new batch came in already. And well, Ian Ding is hilarious.

Mass? HAHA. I haven't went in ages. And I left after like 15 minutes of mass. -.-

Claudia Teh's gastric was really scary. She was crying and screaming and everything.

She overdosed on some tablets. -.- So Gabriel Chua took one pack and gave me. Great?

Dinner at Chicken Rice place there. Okay, I swear, Joshua's piercing below his lip is scary. :/

L4D2 with Jacob, Kenneth, Gabriel and Kelvin.
FAT BOY, fatninja, killer boi bastard and -__-''' were their screen names.
We played versus since there were 5 of us. Gabriel was in my team. (:
I was playing as Charger and I was charging at Jacob.
Kelvin suddenly appeared and wanted to kill me. HAHA.
Then I kept shaking his arm, so he couldn't aim properly!! (Y)
I laughed like mad. HAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA. (:
Me and Gabriel's team trashed their's badly! (:

After that, they played dota so I facebooked. -.-
Jacob and Kenneth headed home. Oh, Jacob is a chindian too.

Kelvin, Gabriel and me headed to Gabriel's house downstairs to slack.
We bought Carrot juice at the petrol station and drank it as alcohol substitute. HAHA.
I talked on the phone with a friend for awhile whilst Gabriel and Kelvin were having their guy talk. O:
Walked to Pierce Sec there where Quek fetched me and drove me home, since it was quite late.
Reached home and was damn tired. K.O.

Woke up at 3pm today.

Legs hurt.

Walked around Suntec damn damn fast.
I feel like I've been all around the world today.
Yishun -> Suntec -> batok -> Yishun.
Okay maybe I'm over exaggerating.

I regret it. I should have just called someone to meet up and play.

Aw well. I'm going church tml, then I'm gonna go drinking.
I will drink until I forget everything okay. I really feel a need to.
I'm gonna ton tml night. I seriously sick and tired of my family.
I really wish I could just leave home. After O levels, I will.
I need a break from my life. Just like how tim needs it.
I want to call wanting now. I miss her damn a lot. Really. ):
Don't get thick skinned when you come back okay, bitch. :D
Well. I called Emilia, she wasn't much of a help anymore.
I called Jessica Raja money come, and woke her from her sleep.
Talked to Jessica Tan awhile. Then she had to do dk what.
I wanted to call Sean to meet me at his block to slack, aw well.
I called Pink Dolphin, he was of zero help at all. Thanks though.
I miss wanting, I miss wanting. Fuck, I will go text her now.

before my father wakes up, I have to off this computer.

IT FAIR.

still keeping it.

hey, I'm going IT fair with Amos Chua like NOW.

Who wants to go? Call me like NOW. Or tag me or something.

Haha, this is damn impromptu uh. (:

I don't think anyone would wanna go IT fair anyway.

Leaving home to meet Emily now.

Webcam.

Trust me, its damn fun.

heading out soon, bye. ♥
OHYEAH, I skipped school today again. (:

Proper updates.

MONDAY, JUNE 7, 2010

Well so I met up with my friend and well, we played around and had a tiny bit of fun. But well, being with him makes me sad all the time. He never tells me anything at all. No one does anyway. Aw well. Okay fuck. I was reading something and he really pissed me off so badly. 5 months. For 5 months it was all just a game to you. Sorry. Good bye. GAME OVER. You have ran out of lives. Thank you very much.

After meeting up with him, I went to search for baking ingredients at Yishun area and headed down to Emily's house. Well. The cookies and stuff were meant for the person from the previous paragraph. But seriously, if I have enough brains, I shouldn't have wasted my energy to bake for him. I would rather bake them for Khaeruddin or Jayraj since they always bug me for cookies. Baked cookies. Burnt the first batch. And made an awesome second batch. And there's one special cookie. Its heart shaped with blue frosting! HAHA. Who wants? Sorry, kidding. Its only meant for one person. But he may never accept it.

I had our awesome YELLOW DELIGHT (peeee? nahhh). Its like buttereggcheese bread. But we call it yellow delight. Okay, actually I call it yellow delight since its so yellow. Nice, (Y). I headed home by the last bus. Haha. My mum fell asleep while waiting for me to reach home. I couldn't use the computer last night since it was like locked. I don't know how to explain it. There's some timer thing.

We talked a bit ard midnight.
Just two messages from him.
It really made me smile so hard.
I nearly went crazy. ♥

TUESDAY, JUNE 8, 2010

Overslept for school as usual. But at least I dragged myself out of bed today. My phone's alarm really doesn't work. I mean, it works. But it doesn't wake me up. Defeats the purpose. Aw well. Headed to school. Bumped into some 4e4 guy who happens to stay at Yishun as well. Whats his name again? I remember stacie told me a few weeks ago. Chatted with Cecilia awhile before heading to the prof sharing room. Logarithms. ):

Skipped History lesson with Vivian, Akila and Sixiang. Not bad. The teacher called our parents. -.- I think its damn dumb. They say what, I Friday and Monday skip school, blahblah. I was sick for goodness sake. I was really sick. My mum told the person uh. Some Cristine lady. -.-

Then I headed to 288F there. Stoned awhile. And then I headed to Jurong Library to study. Hmm, productive I guess? Tried to complete tuition's homework. But to no avail. Then met up with wanting stranger. Had Mos at IMM. Had a good laugh at two bitches. (Y) was late for tuition. But I think the teacher was later. He always takes so long to begin his lessons.

you just walked all over my life.

I'm not feeling myself right now.
I keep coughing nonstop.
And a bitch just pissed me off.
And I was msning Sean,
and reading my old blog.
I miss sean. (:
I told him.
HAHAHAHA.
He's my bestfriend alright.

And where is pink dolphin when I need him?
I shall call alvin bro later, i miss him too.
and, I need to contact ryni. she seems to be MIA.

you.

I'm sorry pink dolphin.

If I broke your heart.
I didn't mean to.
I'm sorry.
I'm just so damn fucking scared of everything.
I really want to just die.
I should seriously just die.
My dad should have hit me harder.
My mum should not have gave me dinner.
My friends should have tortured me more.
My school should have gave me more work.
My whole life...
I should just have taken a gun and shot myself.
My mum should have never had me.
NEVER EVER.
All I ever brought was problems and pain.
Thats all I was ever good of.
Studies, CMI.
Everything, CMI.

CMI CMI CMI CMI, FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL.

I very hate myself.

dui bu qi. wo xian zou le.
wo hai pa shi qu ni.
wo hai pa zai ci shang dao zi ji.

2 hours of sleep. ):

Ton again last night.
And had CIP today for 10 hours.
With subra.
Not bad.
We talked a lot about stuff.
And we dared each other to do stuff.
And there were forfeits everything.
We spent cash on food and stuff.
Its a fun day.
But I'm really really tired.
Inside outside leftside right.
Seriously.
Not enough sleep.
And I tire myself out damn bad.
Wanted to ton again.
But didn't know if zhanwang could.
Subra cmf couldn't uh.
So yeah.

I AM SO LAZY TO UPDATE RIGHT NOW.
LETS JUST SAY, basically I am tired.

CHEER UP IDJIT.

really! ♥

-

I am so mother hell pissed off with facebook now.
I had like 90 friends which I didn't know.
So I just removed all of them.
So bloody tired.
I was on the phone with pink dolphin.
FML, stomach ache.
I'm lazy to update now.
Just pissed with that ken guy who keeps spamming my phone with calls.
I offed my phone cause of that idiot. -'-

goodbye.

Stalker -'-

Ugh, idiot sia.
Some despo guy called ken keeps calling me. -.-
I have to waste my energy to kap the phone sia.
Idiot.

I don't even know who is this ken guy la! -.-

Heart attack.

SEAN 8-| says (12:03 AM):
i miss you leh.
HAHAHAHAHAHA,.
Stef. says (12:03 AM):
aw fuck.
SEAN 8-| says (12:03 AM):
:(
after everything you're just gonna leave me?
:(
Stef. says (12:04 AM):
eh idiot. wrong conversation uh.
SEAN 8-| says (12:04 AM):
hahahaha.
NO.
Stef. says (12:04 AM):
-'-
SEAN 8-| says (12:04 AM):
HAHAHAHA.
Stef. says (12:04 AM):
you singing uh.
SEAN 8-| says (12:04 AM):
no.


I was msning with sean.
It really made me jump.
I nearly fainted and died.
Don't get me wrong.
He's just a friend. (:
I just dk wtf he was thinking.
just a joke I assume.